TTN-Totally True News

We may be a bit late to release this article, as the focus of it happened over 4000 years ago, but our main journalists have discovered the secret to time travel and have traveled back in time to view these events, at the cost of 14 school buses full of outdated 17th century Webster English dictionaries and 12 Concorde jets filled with 2019 Cannon Inkjet printers. (This article is barely true, we took a few creative liberties) Babylon Moves Army to City of Uruk, How long will Peace Last? Recently, the city of Babylon sent their army to surround the major cities of Mesopotamia, including Uruk. No violence has broken out yet, but a siege may not be as unlikely as it seemed yesterday. The city of Uruk is prepared to fight for the empire they rightfully stole. King Gilgamesh, who was interviewed about 4 thousand years ago, said, "those Babylonians have been eyeing out portion of the Tigris [river] for years, waiting for a chance to steal our fields and crops. I fear the worst....

Michel De Vallavieille and The Role of Paratroopers on D-Day Michel de Vallavieille was the first person to be evacuated from Utah beach, but he was not in the Allied army, neither was he in the German army. So who was he, and what happened to him? On the night of June 5th, 1944, American paratroopers landed behind enemy lines with the objective of clearing the way for the troops landing at the beaches the next morning. The planes carrying the paratroopers got lost and dropped them much to low and at the wrong spots. As a result, they landed unorganized and formed small bands that experienced a little bit of scattered firefights, but most of the fighting would come the next day. The next morning, a small group of paratroopers from the 506th PIR had formed into what was supposed to be Easy Company. There were only about fourteen of them. The group was told to attack a group of four 106mm cannons at a small farm called Brecourt Manor. Brecourt Manor was owned by the Vallavieille ...

The "Zero"-Zero Myths About it are True There are already multiple articles and videos about how obsolete the main Japanese carrier based fighter of WW2 was, but a good pun was thought of so this article had to be written. The A6M Zero was built with many ambitious goals, only some of which would actually be useful. When the Imperial Japanese navy ordered a fighter with such range maneuverability, firepower, and speed Nakajima decided it was impossible to design it with their low budget and backed out, but Mitsubishi stayed in. Many corners were cut and the fighter was made as light as possible and lacking many crucial components. In the beginning of the war, the Zero was much more maneuverable than the allied planes and had two 30 caliber machine guns --somewhat effective for close range combat-- and two deadly 20mm cannons. The 20mm could tear enormous holes in the American  bombers, as seen in the image below. Against the Navy fighters used early in the war, it would...

President Trump is scheduled to arm wrestle Kim Jong Un at their next meeting. "This event will decide the future of the North Korean nuclear weapons program," says one of our sources who decided to stay anonymous. The arm wrestle, scheduled to take place on the second day of the summit, will be a historic event. "This is the fight of the century," says Caleb Frank, one of our journalists here at TTN, with some connections to the white house, "The outcome of this [arm] wrestle will determine the winner of WW4. Most historians know that if parliament was ever having a hard time passing a law, then each side would send one representative to [arm] wrestle the other, but this has never happened at such a large scale." The White House Press Correspondent says "The president is looking forward the 28th [the day of the scheduled event] and he has been cooped up in the Oval Office for hours on end taking advice from the professionals and exercising his musc...

Studio 42 Studio 42 is an unprofessional branch of TES (totally entertaining studios) like TTN is. Studio 42 is where the writers of TTN will act and create some comedic videos for their classes. After a little bit, I decided that if we had a news site, we might as well post some of the videos we have been making and putting effort into. So, from now on, I will keep you posted on all of our videos and releases. -Caleb

Okay, did the title get your attention? The upcoming release from Studio was a great hit in the office. The one and only time it has been seen was by our amazing journalist staff before it has been released. It was a great office party and we decided to write an article about it. In return for our previous article on them, they decided to make a movie about us. The news cast was also given the honor of acting, prop and set building, and watching. We will now spoil everything in the movie. Our most recent and final news cast did not go as planned when an alien suddenly appears onstage. The newscaster, John was semi-sorta-violently knocked out. John says that there was no fighting and he merely lost consciousness from fear of the alien. The alien then tok John’s job and gave rather unsettling news about a bigger starship destroying the world. The newscast started as usual with a random and embarrassing story. John soon had to do some quick improvising when he got news of an alien ...

This week, a stunt man flew up a mile in the air to prove the earth is flat. Mad Mike is a lame stunt man who is currently working with the flat earth society. The launch was a hit until the landing “screwed up”. After the decent started, the parachute never deployed and Mike had to be dragged from the wreckage. Mike plans to try again and gradually get to higher altitudes. The final launch will be to 3 miles off the ground. NASA tries to warn Mad Mike about his results. As one employee says, the curvature of the Earth is not visible from three miles, but at the point where it is visible, there are problems with oxygen and pressure. Article By Caleb Frank